Movie of the Week: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Unless you are an eight-year-old boy who doesn’t know any better, paying to go to the movies to see “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” will make you wish you had stayed at home and saved your money. Michael Bay’s sequel to his wildly successful “Transformers” original is loud, bombastic, ridiculous, and at moments completely incomprehensible.

Like the original Hasbro toys and cartoons, the Transformers of both movies are huge machines-with-hearts aliens hiding out on earth, disguised as cars, trucks, and other mechanical devices as their two factions, the good Autobots and the bad Decepticons, battle it out for control of our planet. That was the plot of the first one, and nothing has really changed in the second, except that this time the inevitable battles between the two are bigger and louder than before.

Megan Fox and Shia LaBeouf outrun the bad robots in the movie "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen."

Shia LaBeouf returns as the human star of the show, now heading off to college and leaving his gorgeous motorcycle-mechanic girlfriend (Megan Fox) behind. Will he tell her that he loves her before he goes? Oh, please.

That and other equally ridiculous plotlines (like his mother’s accidental eating of pot brownies while dropping him off at school, resulting in some embarrassing moments) are Bay’s feeble attempts to make “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” more than what it is, a series of CGI-created chase and battle scenes that often make no sense whatsoever. They are senseless for a couple of reasons: it is almost impossible to discern the difference between the good and the bad Transformers as they shape shift and fling themselves around wrecking everything in their way, and, surprise, the good guys always end up winning, and none of the principal actors has more than just a scratch. Right, and the puny human stars can somehow outrun all the zooming, fast-as-lightning machines.

"Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" hot Camaro/Autobot.

Add in the two new twin Autobots that are supposed to be hip-hop cool guys but simply come off as racist takes on ghetto black guys, and the total stupidity of this film is complete. Even the cars are stupid. And I love cars.

The Autobot twins in "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen."

So the bottom line for is this: if your idea of a good time at the movies is an action-packed, incredibly loud, CGI-filled flick with a plot line that a five-year-old could write, then it is the summer movie for you. If not, run screaming from the temptation to check it out, even if the ticket is free.

Rated: PG-13
Stars: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson, John Turturro, Ramon Rodriguez, Tyrese Gibson, Isabel Lucas
Director: Michael Bay

Studio/Official Site: http://www.transformersmovie.com